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my mom went to high school with jamie lee curtis and one time they both got caught smoking pot together and jamie told the teacher it was my mom’s and my mom was suspended and jamie lee got no punishment so think about that next time you want some activia

the laxative yogurt lady fucked over my mom


"fat girls shouldn’t—"

—have to deal with your narrow minded bullshit.


do you ever FEEL yourself being annoying but you CAN’T stop


Two chemists walk into a bar.

One of them asks for H2O. The other asks for H2O2 and giggles.

The bartender serves them both hydrogen peroxide because he’s fucking tired of chemists walking into his bar and trying that joke.


*chad dylan cooper voice* did you, sonny?? did you really?